Today I realize that to change the circle I have been caught in for so long is simply my choice. Exactly how to do that is unclear to me. Direction would be a good thing. Should I read a book? Go on a retreat? Look to the sky? How do I move on? Therapy only helped for so long ... I don't think going back would be beneficial at this point. The drugs prescribed by the doctor permit me to maintain most of the time.
Traditional Judeo Christian spirituality does not fit for me any longer. A while ago I came to the conclusion that the God of the bible does not exist. I believe in a higher power, but not as characterized in the stories of the bible. I believe the stories are parables and examples of how we should live and the consequences when we do not, but should be concerned as fact. As for Jesus I'm not sure about that one. The fact is the books of the New Testament were written 100 to 200 years after Christ's death -- that's a long time to keep the facts straight. Add all this to the fact the Catholic Church compiled and translated the bible and it's easy to become extremely skeptical.
At times because of the pious religion I was instructed in for over 30 years of my life I find myself a bit lost. Lost for belief in something higher. A heaven-bound god concerned if the pot of mashed potatoes I am cooking is a bit ridiculous to me. It's so less confusing to consider that our spirituality begins and ends within our selves -- it emanates from within us. Is our goal not to accept love and give love? To show kindness and comfort? This is spirituality to me.
Well, I think I have prattled on long enough. I'm not sure any of this writing makes sense but it accurately depicts the state of my mind at the moment.
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