Returning to THE journey

So, this is the 3rd time I've tried to start this post. My words are just not expressing what I need to say.

I feel like I am on THE journey again. A former therapist wisely told me that the role of therapy is to return one to the person they were meant to be. At the time that she shared this pearl of wisdom it helped me to keep a perspective on what or what not to expect in therapy. Somewhere, along the way I lost that perspective. For awhile grief over the move to Connecticut overshadowed everything and actually enveloped me. I began to believe that with the right drug cocktail or therapist everything would be "taken care." While waiting for this miraculous recovery I lost hope ... hope for my future. Now two years later I realize how self victimizing these beliefs were.

This week I feel like I am coming out of a void. I realize that there is NO magic drug or all-knowing therapist that will suddenly make me better (whatever better is.) The decision to change is in my hands ... only I have the power to cause change to happen. I must live in the present ... choose to live in this day.

Letting go of the past is so much more than just protecting the ghosts of abuse, it's realizing that the thought processes learned for survival are no longer needed. I have outgrown that self hating, guilt riddled broken person. I am born anew and I choose it.

And yes, most of these words are taken directly from conversations with a therapist. But they are wonderful healing words ... releasing words actually.