Family & the Waiting

Family
I don't see my family much living so far away from Kentucky
But I'm visited by them frequently in dreams

Just last night my Aunt H visited
My history with Aunt H is long and sordid
It gets ugly, then even uglier
One of the chief abusers of my childhood was her son E
For a very long time I believed that H knew her son was abusing me
Knew and did nothing to stop it
As part of my healing process I wrote her a letter
As you can imagine a pretty rancid letter

This past summer the weight of carrying
The hatred
The anger
At my Aunt H
Was something that I choose no longer to do
I knew in my heart that no matter what had occurred
I would always love my Aunt H
E's admission of guilt was not something that I needed to be concerned with any longer

Yet here I am
Still having nightmares
Still allowing letters from quack therapists to send me into deep depressions
How much more is there to learn from this dysfuction that I called childhood?
Is moving on a possibility?
The waiting is the hardest thing of all.